


A Buck and Change Episode 14 or Getting Low

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: F/M, Humor, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-20
Updated: 1999-09-20
Packaged: 2018-11-10 20:29:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11134173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: While getting a lecture on roughage from Buck and Ma, Ray suffers horribly.This story is a sequel toA Buck and Change Episode 13 or Somebody's Secret.





	A Buck and Change Episode 14 or Getting Low

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

 

 

 

due South: A Buck and Change #14

**Warnings: R M/M content,  
broccoli, stairs, the Riv in peril again, tattoos, and a Harley Davidson  
tee-shirt.**

Promises: The plot thickening. Buck and Ma together, (sigh) a "dear" or two and a private smile. Laurie Taylor.. Beta Reading by Dyevka. 

Author's note: BEARS, are a sort of sub-culture of gay men who are, on the average,  big, burly, hairy, sometimes bike riders, lumberjack kind of guys.   
  

#  A BUCK & CHANGE - Ep 14

#  or _Getting Low_

by Mitch Hudson

"What the hell is this, Benny?" 

"A tee-shirt, Ray," Fraser answered as he tugged on his plaid shirt and buttoned it. 

Ray swiftly undid Benny's work. "It's a *Harley Davidson* tee-shirt, Benny. You wanna explain to me why you're wearing it?" 

"Ray if we don't leave now we'll be late to the scene." 

Snatching up his keys Ray stormed out of the apartment. "And why haven't you shaved today?" he asked over his shoulder as his lover trailed him down the stairs and into the Buick Riviera. 

"How do you think I'd look with a beard, Ray?" Fraser swiveled the rear view mirror of the Riv to the passenger side of the car. 

"Hey! I need that to drive, ya know." Ray repositioned the mirror. He darted into the flow of traffic completely ignoring blaring horns and squealing tires. 

Fraser twisted around and shoved Dief to the other side of the back seat. "Well there's another one back--" 

"And *don't* change the subject. You still haven't explained the tee-shirt. But since you mention it, what's going on with this sudden fascination with beards?" 

"I just thought I might like to grow one, that's all." 

"Un uh. It's never *all* with you, Benny. Never. And as soon as we finish checking out this break in at the museum we're gonna sit down and have a little heart to heart, my man." 

"I wish I had chest hair." 

The next three seconds were full of the closest Ray had ever come to smashing up his beloved Riviera. 

* * *

"So where the hell am I supposed to find somebody who knows about bayonets?" Ray whined as they left the museum. "Welsh'll have my head on a platter if I don't wrap this one up real quick. Seems the mayor's good buddy had one on loan in that exhibit that was swiped and he expects me to recover the crap in twenty-four hours." 

"I know someone--" 

"And what was that shit about him asking me if my mother was...was feeling well? Huh? You wanna tell me that?" Ray pulled out into the traffic along Grant Circle. This time he managed to avoid any traffic problems. 

"Ray, I certainly don't want the Lieutenant to have anything to do with your head," Fraser said as he placed his hand possessively over Ray's zipper, "so I would suggest we go speak to--" 

"My mother is just fine, thank you very much. And I intend to keep her that way. What? You know somebody we can talk to about bayonets?" 

"Yes, Ray. And on the way could we please stop at Kate's tattoo parlor? I've had my eye on this design she has on display in the window. It's a most intriguing bear track," Fraser explained as he began rolling his left sleeve up. "I thought it might look good right he--" 

"Bear track? Bear track? You mean like a print a bear would leave? Fraser we're stuck in the middle of some bayonet crisis here and your going on about bear print tattoos? Do I need to remind you what almost happened the last time I took you to a tattoo parlor?" 

"But Ray--" 

The Riviera scooted through a red traffic signal. "Does the word oak leaf mean anything to you?" 

"Actually that's two words, Ray." 

"Canadian flag, Benny? Oak leaf, Benny?" 

"Actually, Ray--" 

"I'm not gonna put up with anymore of this, Fraser. No tattoos, no Harley-Davidson tee-shirts, no beard, *no* beard. And if I catch you putting Minoxidil on your chest I'm gonna take you to the apartment, strip you, tie you to the bed, sit on you and pluck you bald with a pair of Frannie's tweezers, any part I left out?" 

"No, Ray." Fraser slumped back in the car seat and crossed his arms. 

"Okay. Now who's this bayonet specialist you said we should talk to?" 

"Sergeant Buck Frobisher." 

Right in the middle of the intersection of Grant and Elm, Ray stopped the Riv, got out and took a little walk. 

***

"Ma, what goofball sent Frannie these roses?" Ray shouted as he stood in the Vecchio home entry hall eyeing a large floral arrangement on the round marble top table. "They musta cost a fortune," Ray continued to yell as he led Benny through the Vecchio living room toward the kitchen. 

"Oh," he exclaimed as he stopped short in the kitchen doorway. "Hi," he mumbled in Buck's general direction as the older Mountie stood at the stove and stirred a large pot of simmering tomato sauce. 

"Hello, boys," Buck returned cheerfully. "Sofia is upstairs comforting Francesca. It seems the young lady made the same, unfortunately incorrect, assumption as you did, Raimondo." 

Ray shuddered so Fraser laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. His lover turned back to him giving him a look full of terrible agony. 

"Does he *have* to call me that?" Ray whispered hoarsely. 

"Ray, I'd suggest you save your objections for another time. You *do need* Sergeant Frobisher's assistance if you want the information quickly." 

Ray turned back to Buck and tried to force a smile on his face. 

"What's the matter, boy? You look like your short a little roughage there." 

"Roughage?" Sofia asked as she came in the kitchen. She delivered a kiss and hug to Fraser and Ray in turn and took over from Buck at the stove. "I could put a little broccoli on if somebody's been having too many jelly donuts. Buck, dear, would you get the broccoli--" 

"Nobody needs broccoli, Ma!" Ray exclaimed. He felt Benny's arm come around his waist and he allowed himself to sag back slightly. "Sorry, sorry Ma. Just had a little bit of a tense day today." 

"It's all right Caro mio. A mother understands these things. Why, just look at what set your sister off. I get three dozen roses from that nice Lieutenant of yours and Francesca thinks it's the end of her life. What am I going to do with that girl? Hmm? Such a fuss I've never seen someone throw over flowers." 

"Ah, dear lady. You haven't seen the fuss I want to throw over them yet," Buck said with a private smile for her. 

Ray ground his teeth, caught between trying to decide if he should be upset over the smile first or the fact that Lieutenant Welsh, the man after his head, had sent Ma *flowers*. What the hell was the man thinking? That his mother wouldn't mind if he murdered her son if he sent her flowers first? 

"Benny," Ray turned against Fraser and whispered, "why do you think Welsh asked me how my mother was doing? Is there something going on that I'm missing? I thought he was just concerned about Buck bothering her. You know, visiting all the time and stuff." 

"Ray, perhaps you and I should have a talk about the birds and the bee--" 

"Hi ya, Fraser," Frannie said as she joined them. 

The kitchen was becoming a little crowded Ray decided. Realizing that he was perhaps too close to the man who was supposed to be just his *friend*, he inched away from him and glared around at everybody. 

"Look who got up on the wrong side of the Mountie this morning," Frannie said as she brushed past her brother on her way to the refrigerator. 

"I believe that's 'the wrong side of the *bed*,' Francesca," Fraser corrected helpfully. 

"Uh huh. That's what I said. Want a glass of milk?" she offered. 

"No, thank you kindly. Ray and I are in a bit of a hurry. Actually we just stopped by to ask Sergeant Frobisher a few questions." 

"And you knew to come *here* looking for him, right?" 

"Um..." Fraser blushed. 

"Stop pestering Benny or I'll--" 

"You'll what?" Frannie challenged. "Forbid me to offer fashion advice to your friends?" 

"Uh," Ray felt his mind jogging in circles. It got nowhere. 

"Oh, Ray!" Frannie gaped at her brother. "At a loss for words?" 

He stared back at her. Frannie, secretly the most resourceful and bright of the Vecchio children but forced to hide her brilliance because of sibling hair envy, grabbed Ray and excused the two of them from the room. 

Frannie had hauled him halfway up the stairs before Ray realized that his lover was no longer within touching distance. The shock rooted him to the spot. "What?" he demanded as he jerked her to a stop too. She glared down at him and he glared right back. 

"We need to talk, Ray. Lets go up to--" 

"Here will do," Ray said and refused to budge any further away from Benny. He could still hear the faint rumblings of his deep baritone voice through the walls separating them. He crossed his arms and waited. 

"Well, Mr. 'I can be Stubborn as a Mule', if this is where you wanna talk, fine." She sat on the stair and whispered, "I thought you had it all in hand." 

"Well I don't. How could you think that? You know what he can be like." 

"I do, but not as well as you do." 

"What do you mean? Of course you do. You got a good enough *look* Frannie!" he said with scorn, not at all caring for her "in hand" reference. Fraser was certainly more than a handful, he thought with a little smugness. 

"Oh, come on, Ray. How can you say that when you're talking about *him*? I thought you'd have everything under control, you know, taken care of." 

"Oh, how can you say that? My own sister. I can't deal with this." The image of him taking care of Benny's needs in the Karaoke bar restroom swirled in his mind. He certainly hadn't been in control then. Or in his bedroom when Buck had called them to dinner. No, his Mountie had been in control of everything! 

"Well you'd better *deal* with it, Mister. It's your mother who's--" 

"How did *Ma* get into this conversation? Why is Ma in everything all of a sudden? 

"Ray! How can you ask that? How could she not be in it?" 

"Well, she is but only as my mother, I mean. Frannie honestly she as nothing to do with him deciding he wants to try to be bearish and I tell you I'm not gonna be *anybody's* cub!" 

"Of course not! He wouldn't expect to be a *father* to us would he?" she asked in real distress. 

"*Us*? *Us*? What the *hell* are you talking about? What's with this *us* business? Sure, I let you give him fashion advice but that's as far as it goes, sister! He's *my* man and you better keep your paws to yourself." 

"Ray, what the *hell* are *you* talking about? I never gave Buck any fashion advice. 

"Buck?" he asked. 

"Your man? You mean you and *Buck* are doing it too?" 

"Ewww! That's disgusting!" they whined in stereo. 

"I meant *Benny*! He's got his new thing he wants to try." 

"Oh, is that all?" 

"All? Frannie! I can't stand the thought of him with a beard. I just.... Ewww." He shivered. "But what were you going on about?" 

"*Buck*, you dolt. He's getting awfully chummy with Ma. I think he might be on the lookout for a permanent Italian cook of his own, if you know what I mean." 

"I got something that might distract him for a while. I need his help on a case. But I don't stand a chance of putting a monkey wrench in the romance works as long as Benny is tagging along." 

"I have an idea that'll keep Fraser busy, Ray. And it doesn't have anything to do with the Stockholm syndrome, felons, or me getting tied up in any way." 

"Then he's your man, Frannie." Ray uncrossed his arms and rubbed his hands together. "Wait, what exactly is the idea?" 

"Shopping!" she exclaimed with glee. 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What dire things will occur if Frannie manages to take Fraser shopping? Will the Mountie survive the experience? More importantly, will Ray survive his sister taking Fraser shopping? Tune in again for the next episode of: A BUCK & CHANGE Episode 15 or South! 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Quiz by Laurie Taylor..

1 What forewarning have we that Ben was considering a 'bear' existence? 

2 What is Minoxidil? 

a Linament to make your hair grow 

b Linament to make something else grow 

3 If Ray had taken Ben to the apartment, stripped him, tied him to the bed, sat on him and plucked him bald with a pair of Frannie's tweezers, Ben would have -- 

a Asked Ray to shave his hair in a maple leaf motif 

b Taken it like a mountie 

c Asked innocently if that is what happened to Ray's hair 

d Agreed but only if Frannie was there to watch 

On no account should you attempt to answer the questions in the right order. Moose will be penalised severely. * Calculators and rulers may not be used - unless you're a Chicago cop. 

ANSWERS: 1. He was wearing a Harley Davidson tee shirt, he was trying to grow a beard, he wanted to grow chest hair. 

2\. A 

3\. A 

End

Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment  
of fans. No infringement of any copyrights held by Alliance Communication,  
CBS, CTV, or any others is intended. This story is not published for  
profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be  
reproduced in any form. The author makes no claims on the characters  
or their portrayal by the creation of this story.

Mitch_H@hotmail.com

geocities.com/soho/lofts/5843/mh-fict.htm

  


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